God still loves you, and he still has a plan for you. Life may hurt and be harder than you ever imagined, but God is still in control and he will be by your side every step of the way.
Everyone thinks you’re fine and you’ve adjusted well to life on your own. You have, but they don’t know the pain. They don’t know the brokenness you still feel because of the life you lost. They don’t know about the sorrow that weighs on your heart, and they most certainly don’t know about the tears that you still shed in the still of night. But God does. He knows and he sees. Like Hagar in the desert, God sees you and your pain. He holds you together when you feel like you’re falling apart. He promises to one day wipe every tear away and make all things new.
Once you’ve experienced true grief, you live with one foot in the door of heaven because we will never be completely whole again in this world. Just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other knowing that God isn’t through with you yet. He’s making you more like his son each day and he will use even this for your good.
Maybe a mourning heart can understand the miracle of Christmas more than any other. As we celebrate the birth of our Savior, we also remember. We remember the body that was broken for us and the blood He shed for us. We remember that he was born, not to sit on a throne (although he does), but to carry our sorrows and bear our griefs (Isaiah 53:4). We remember that Christmas is about celebrating that this life is only a shadow of things to come.
Life hurts, but choose to find joy in each day and trust the Lord. Trust him even when life isn’t what you wanted it to be. Worship him even when you don’t understand. Kneel at the feet of the one who came to set you free. Even when it feels like God is silent, trust that he’s doing something. Trust that he will use this for your good. Learn to be content with the way your life is now rather than constantly remembering what your life used to be.
This Christmas, look to the one who left heaven for 33 years so he could redeem and restore you. Trust the one who was willing to die on a cross for you, knowing that he may allow deep hurt in your life, but he will always, always use it for your good.