For a long time after Trevor’s death, the future looked so dismal and devoid of hope. It was a terrifyingly dark thing to think about. The future is still uncertain, but God has taught me to trust him and therefore live with the uncertainty of the future, knowing that He’s already there and already in control of it.
This week will mark 21 months since I lost him. It seems crazy that it’s been that long. For months, I didn’t know how I’d make it another day without him. It seemed like a travesty of justice that the world kept spinning and the sun kept rising without him. As cliché as it sounds, it just took time. Time to not hurt every moment of the day. Time to be able to see joy and hope again. Time to accept the season of life God had placed me in.
As much as it pains me to say, God has taught me lessons that I never would’ve learned if Trevor were still here. I’ve had to learn to completely trust God, even when things aren’t the way I want them. I’ve had to learn to do the hard things. I’ve had to learn to accept that God’s plan is bigger and better than my own, even when it hurts. I’m a different person today than I was two years ago. You can’t go through something like this and remain unchanged.
As you begin to heal and go on with life, God will most likely put another widow in your path that you can speak to and encourage. It’s hard because it forces you to remember the pain and loss, but it’s what we’re called to do in 2 Corinthians 1. I know I am so blessed to have a friend in a women’s Bible study who lost her husband a couple years earlier than I did who is always willing to talk to me. Sometimes, it’s just so helpful to talk to someone who has been where you are and knows what you’re going through. If you have the opportunity, be that person for someone else.
Maybe the wound’s still fresh for you. Maybe you’re still in the winter of your life. Maybe it’s hard to imagine spring coming in your life. Know that God promises to always be with you. Psalm 23 assures us that he is with us in the valley of the shadow of death which can also be translated as the valley of deep darkness. Notice he doesn’t say he’ll save us from the valley or prevent us from walking through it; he just promises to be there with us. Some days, it felt like I was lying down in the mud and mire of that valley and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to crawl out. God was still with me, and sweet friend, he’s with you too. He will never leave you. He will walk with you through this season and every other season too. Don’t let the enemy lie to you and tell you you’re unloved or alone. There’s a spring coming, one that only the Lord can bring. He will shine light and healing and love into your most broken places. Trust the Lord, and trust that spring is coming. It may be just around the corner.
Side note: get outside and plant something, even if you’re not a gardener. There is something strangely therapeutic about growing things. I dug a little flowerbed last year outside my window and planted a couple roses. This year, I added a couple lilies. It’s nice to see something blooming outside your window. I also planted a few veggies. There’s something incredibly satisfying about eating things you’ve grown yourself. So get up, make a trip to your local grocery or hardware store and buy a few plants. I even let my daughter pick a couple flowers to pot for our back porch. My boys can help pull weeds and water the plants too. They all love picking the veggies when they start growing. My toddler kept picking cherry tomatoes last year, hoping they’d magically turn into grapes. 😊 I’d love to see pictures of the things you’re growing!!!